Nov 07, 2012 | Updated Nov 08, 2012
So you think you have found the woman of your dreams. All is going well. or is it? What are the signs that your partner might be cheating? Read on to learn about some things you can look for, or may have already seen and have been ignoring or brushing aside.
1. Phone Calls Has she been getting more private phone calls lately? Does she leave the room to talk on the phone more than before? When you ask her about a call, does her response seem genuine, or does it seem that she is not being truthful about who is on the other end?
Any change in phone calls including frequency of calls, time of day, tone of voice or a change in text messaging habits could all signify that she is cheating. When she answers the phone, does she drop her volume or suddenly sound as flirtatious as she did when you were first dating? If it seems like her phone habits are changing and you cannot understand the changes, you may be witnessing an affair.
2. Dates with Girlfriends Is she spending more time with her girlfriends than in the past? Are there many evenings out with the girls, when there were almost none just a short while ago? When you ask her who she will be with, does her answer sound sincere?
If any of these scenarios ring a bell, your wife may be going out, but not with the girls. If she was not socializing with her friends with the same frequency that she is now, that is a sign. If she is doing different things than she did with the girls in the past (e.g. they always went to the movies, but now she is going out dancing), that is a good indication that all is not what it seems.
3. Showering and the Gym Does she come home freshly showered, when in the past she did not shower during the day? Does she seem to be going to the gym more often than she used to?
There are two parts to this one. The gym excuse could be legitimate; it just might be that she is going there more frequently. The problem is that she might be working out more to impress her new love interest. And if she is not in need of her usual shower at night, chances are she is showering after an afternoon of steamy sex, followed by a steamy shower.
4. Cologne Does she ever smell of different cologne, one that is more masculine than hers? Do you ever comment on the new scent she is wearing, only to find that she does not apply the same scent at home?
It could be that the new scent is not hers, but his. Do you by any chance recognize the scent as one you might have tried in the past? And -- I hope this is not the case -- do you recognize it as a scent one of your friends wears?
Need I say more?
5. Eye Contact Has she stopped making eye contact when answering questions about where she has been and what she has been doing? Does she avoid looking you straight in the eye, when that was not an issue before?
For most people (other than psychopaths and trained spies), it is very challenging to look someone who knows you very well in the eye and tell an out-and-out lie. If your wife is lying to you, there is a very good likelihood that she will be looking anywhere but into your eyes when she does.
6. Alcohol and Other Substances Is she drinking outside the home at odd times (daytime) or more than before? Have you suspected drug use, where there was none before? Does she ever smell of cigarettes, even though she doesn’t smoke?
If you are seeing any of these scenarios, there is probably a partner in crime. Sex, drugs and rock and roll all go together, as does alcohol, and could all be indulged in during a tryst. If she smells of cigarettes and she does not smoke, you can bet that he does. You know, almost certainly, that someone else is influencing her choices if these behaviors are taking place when they were not happening before.
7. Sexual Deviations Does she want sex less often than usual? Does she seem to just be going through the motions? Is she asking for things you never did before or teaching you new tricks?
Any extreme variances in sexual behavior are possible indications that there is a new influence in her life. While there are other possible circumstances (e.g. she has just finished "Fifty Shades Of Gray"), the most likely scenario is that she is getting fulfilled outside of the relationship or realizing that there are new and different things that she enjoys and is bringing them into your bed.
What to Do? While there are a whole host of scenarios that could excuse any of these behaviors, the likelihood is that if there is more than one that rings true, it could be a very good indication that she is cheating. Take time to discover if your suspicions are correct. Once your eyes are open to the behavior changes, you will spot them again and again and put the pieces together. From there, it is up to you as to what direction you want to take in saving or ending your relationship. Just know that you need to do what will be most empowering for you in the long run, and that there will be hurt no matter what happens. It is generally devastating when a loved one deceives us, but there are many times when we can weather the storm and come out the other side stronger for having fought for love. And if it seems that you cannot salvage the relationship, then know that you will have learned from this and will be saved from a future of heartache and deceit. Either way, knowing the truth will set you free.
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