by Kevin on October 4, 2010
This is the second part of the three step plan. If you didn’t read Step 1. then click here.
So, now you know what are the things that you SHOULDN’T do to get your ex back. In this Step, I am going to tell you what you should do if you want to win your ex back.
The first and the most important step to win your ex back is to end all communication with them.
Did you just say –
“What if they move on?”
“What if they start dating someone else?”
“What if they forget about our relationship until I keep reminding them how great we were together?”
Good questions. And the answer to all of them is, THEY WON’T.
It’s not easy to forget someone. It’s not easy to move on after a breakup. It’s not easy for you, and it won’t be easy for them. Even though they may look like they are calm and don’t care on the outside, the truth is they are probably hurting as much as you are from the inside. They may start dating someone else but don’t worry about that, as I said in STEP 1. rebound relationships are normal and they will not last long.
I am not asking you to end the contact forever. You will talk to them again, and you will start hanging out with them again; but only after a certain period of time. That period of time can be one week, two weeks or even a month depending on how long it’s been since you broke up. You don’t want to extend it too much that they move on.
You don’t have to tell them that you are ending contact with them. You just do it without informing them. If you work in the same office and can’t avoid each other, then just say Hi when you guys pass each other. Make sure you don’t chat with them unless it’s absolutely necessary. A short casual conversation is okay, but nothing too long.
I realize that for some of you, one month may already have passed. And you may want to skip ahead to the next step. But don’t do it, because there are a few things that you need to do in this step before you can move on to the next step. So make sure complete your assignment for this month before advancing to the next step.
What will you do for one month then?
Pull Yourself Together
First of all, you need to stop panicking. You need to calm down and regain composure. You need to start thinking rationally if you want to win your ex back.
Take a breather. Go out, breath the fresh air, do something that you like doing.
You MUST realize that panicking is not going to help you and you will not be able to get your love back until you are in your senses and thinking rationally.
Calm down and focus. I will tell you about a cool technique that you can use to calm down at the end of STEP 3.
START THINKING REASONABLY
The next thing you need to do, is think about why you want to win your ex back?
After a breakup, most people are in a confused and emotional state and they say things to themselves that aren’t true. Things like –
– I will die if I don’t get my ex back
– I will never find anyone else
– I will never be able to love again
All of the above is false. You need to realize that your life
will move on with or without your ex. Even if you don’t get your ex back, you will love again and still live a happy life. I am not saying you should forget about getting your ex back, I am just saying that you need to realize that your life is still beautiful and exciting even without your ex. Be the person who loves life and people will start loving you.
Life is beautiful. Accept it.
Now that we have brought you back to your senses, think about your relationship. Do you really think that you could have a long and healthy relationship with your ex? Think with your brain and not with your heart. Remember how your relationship used to be. You are the best judge in this situation. If you’ve decided that your relationship is worth saving, read on.
FIGURE OUT WHAT WENT WRONG
Relationship Fights are normal, but if it leads to a breakup, then something is wrong
You need to figure out what went wrong in the relationship and work on it. Whatever caused your ex to leave, will make them leave again if you don’t improve yourself.
Each breakup is unique, but most of the time, the true reason behind breakup never comes up while breaking up. Sometimes, your partner will give you a lame excuse like “I just don’t love you anymore” or “this relationship isn’t working”. Even if the reason for breakup was infidelity, think about why they cheated on you.
Men and women both have different needs in a relationship and if you want to have a long lasting happy relationship, you should understand what your partner craves for. When men leave a relationship, it’s because they weren’t getting what they want from a women. No, it’s not sex. Similarly, Women leave a relationship because they are not getting what they crave for, and it’s completely different from what men want.
Take note that we are not going to try using the “I have changed for you” tactic to get your ex back. Logic has very little effect on decisions when such high emotions are involved. But if you do change yourself for the good and work on things together, then you both will stay together in a happy relationship for a long long time.
Get in Shape, Socialize, and Start Enjoying Your Life
There are a few other things that you need to do before you contact your ex.
Exercise daily and make it a routine. You will be glad you did.
-You need to get in your best shape. A half hour of exercise everyday will help release the stress, make you feel better and will keep you in shape.
– You need to start hanging out with your friends. Socializing is important. This is a good time to catch up with your old friends and do things that you enjoy doing.
– You’ll have to start doing what you like. Something that’s your hobby. Or maybe you can get a new hobby.
Now the above things may seem trivial but trust me they are very important. These are the things that will make you realize how wonderful life is and once you start appreciating your life, you will immediately become a lot more attractive to your ex. In addition, they will make you feel healthier and much confident which is absolutely imperative for Step 3.
By the end of this time period, you will be thinking logically and not emotionally and you would’ve decided whether or not you want to give your relationship another chance, you are ready to move on to step 3 aka THE GAME PLAN