Earlier today, a mysterious service outage affected Bloomberg terminals across Europe and Asia, sending grown men in expensive suits running and screaming into the streets, pleading the heavens to pass down real-time bond trend analysis.
Bloomberg L.P.’s data terminals experienced failures on Friday that appeared to stretch from Hong Kong to London, agitating traders who depend on the company’s signature product for market data, news and its popular chat service.
Suffice to say, it was bad news for news. It was also the kind of thing that prompts rampant, bizarre speculation out of sources that run the gamut between uninformed and loony.
After the dust of rumor settled and the probability of North Korean hackers or dark corporate espionage ninjas gone rogue proved too low to believe, one theory emerged above the fray.
However, a source that works in the markets told Business Insider that the current rumour circulating around Bloomberg’s London newsroom and television studio is that it was caused by “someone spilling a can of coke on a server somewhere.”
Even ignoring the bona fide British spelling of “rumour,” this story clearly has merit. Coke is sticky and those cans spill so easily.
We have an answer.
But, allow us a moment here, what if
this wasn’t an accident?
Think about it. It’s the end of a long week, and some poor, overworked Bloomberg server maintenance tech somewhere in the world (let’s call him “Mike”) is just over it. He’s there at his desk, exhausted – maybe even a little stoned on bath salts or Flakka – and needing that kick of sugary caffeine that Coke provides. So Mike pops open a can and sits down at his monitor, checks out one of his favorite entertainment gossip sites, and this ad appears on his screen;
The beauty of this ad hits Mike, who is – remember – stoned and tired, like an emotional freight train. In the miasma of his thoughts, he just decides to go with it and see if this could actually work.
Mike want to send the world a Coke! He wants to make that redhead at the bus stop smile!
So he does it. He pours that brown carbonated magic onto the server and sits back, a grin of zealotry spreading across his face.
Well, now we know he was wrong, way too high to be at work, and – in all likelihood – so fired, but you have to love a dreamer.
Stay gold, Mikey boy… stay gold.