uri said: 21-03-09 04:29 AM
Tips and advice on how to forget someone
There are many programs, David DeAngelo's is one of them, who teach you how to start with women, what to say on the first time and how to make yourself more attractive to girls.
What they don't teach is how to get over someone who is not attracted to you or that doesn't love you back. I realized that all the teachings on how to start and be more attractive to women won't work when you're still obsessing over someone who doesn't love you back.
Having a crush or being infatuated with someone who doesn't feel the same for you happens to almost everyone even to the most handsome and famous guys and in most cases it can be a painful and agonizing experience.
So here I collected a list of tips on how to get over someone you love who doesn't love you back. These advice really helped me a lot. The advice is equally true both for men and women:
1. Get your mind off of him/her. The most important thing is not to be alone. Surround yourself with family and friends, the people who love you unconditionally and spend more quality time with them.
2. Ask yourself what might be in his head or his heart; it takes two people to be in a relationship and even though you feel the way that you do, maybe it was meant to be this way. Save your love for someone who feels the same way about you!
3. Love is a peculiar thing. There is an almost ludicrous asymmetry between two people. The person at the top of your best friend list may rank you only at the middle of his or her list. However, if you truly, truly loved someone, then you'd be able to realise that it's OK if they don't love you back. True love gives and expects nothing in return; a true unrequited love. So, I've moved on from my perfect potential companion. He gave me the strength to realise that I can move on. He gave me the courage to try something different. He gave me the wisdom and sense for me to also respect myself. So, if you truly loved them, it doesn't matter if they feel the same way, your love conquers all.
4. For all those wondering what went wrong just stop wondering say it really aloud "SHE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU". Only when one stops chasing and pursing someone who doesn't love you, will you open the door to that perfect person who will love you back with the same intensity that you will love him.
5. It's not about getting over a person, it's about feeling good about yourself. It's about knowing that you are the most important and you need to be happy. If this other person doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't really matter.
6. This situation is always an unfortunate one. It is ideal for 2 people to love each other the same, and at the same pace, but life is never ideal. To get this kind of relationship to work, you need patience! you have to weigh either waiting for her or moving on as options. If your feelings are real, and you choose to hang in there, you must not scare her away with your feelings! If things are meant to work out, you should be great friends before lovers anyway. While you let both your feelings reach equilibrium, you'll find it becomes easier sometimes just to ignore your strong feelings for her and just kick-back and chill with her. It's not always important to impress her, or do nice things for her in a loving way. It may give you hope to know that she can see you in the same light, just not so quickly.
7. Try to find and see the flaws in your love object. When you're infatuated with someone you see them as a completely perfect, flawless person capable of doing no wrong. Remind yourself that your image of them is quite irrational.
The madness of infatuation creates many unrealities. You perceive your love object as vastly more wonderful than is real. Learn to see that your love object has faults, flaws, and the normal number of human quirks. Remind yourself that your image of this person is unrealistic. Remind yourself also that no one can live up to your imagination. The more you remember this the sooner your will get your feelings much more in proportion.
8. Love is a peculiar thing. There is an almost ludicrous asymmetry between two people. The person at the top of your best friend list may rank you only at the middle of his or her list. However, if you truly, truly loved someone, then you'd be able to realise that it's OK if they don't love you back. True love gives and expects nothing in return; a true unrequited love. So, I've moved on from my perfect potential companion. He gave me the strength to realise that I can move on. He gave me the courage to try something different. He gave me the wisdom and sense for me to also respect myself. So, if you truly loved them, it doesn't matter if they feel the same way, your love conquers all.
9. If you belive in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be. People part for reasons beyond human comprehension but the reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That's the power of destiny. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts.
10. The older I get, the more I believe that some people are full of the capacity to love - like me - and others are incapable of it in the romantic sense, for whatever reason. Fear of committment. A distorted view of freedom. The desire to stay young forever. A deep unwillingness to give themselves over to another (aka, selfish). It is an absolute rock and a hard place. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is the most impossible situation imaginable, especially when the love is so strong you are a slave to it.
11. Deal with reality. Stop hoping, dreaming, etc. Pray and tell God that you forgive them for not being able to love you. Ask God to take this from you - and He will. Then continue to deal with reality. Don't tell yourself, maybe someday. they'll change.
12. True love accepts the person for who they are, even when they are bad and they don't love you. It means accepting reality. When you love and accept reality at the same time, you are forced to move on. When you deal with reality and move on without love, you take bitterness with you. When you love without dealing with reality, you hurt yourself. Love the other person, Accept the reality and pray to God for the wisdom and strength you'll need to do that continuously until it ceases to become a problem.
13. There is one more thing I can recommend. There are times when you feel very weak and feel you need to talk to that other person even though they may have just hurt you again, you don't know why you want to talk to them, you just do. I've been able to get by these weak moments by writing down exactly what I'm feeling at the time, it comes out in a jumble of feelings and thoughts, some not so pleasant, but in the end it actually helps and I don't feel to call the person anymore. For everyone out there, keep strong and keep your head up, there are better days ahead.
14. Remember that life goes on. You had a life before them and you will have a happy life after them. It's up to you whether you want to keep dwelling on the past or just keep moving. Memories can haunt us but the best way to deal with them is to bury them where they belong, in the past. You've got to start looking to the future.
Last edited by uri; 21-03-09 at 04:34 AM.