It’s the eternal question: how do you give not just a blowjob, but a good blowjob? You’ve probably asked yourself this question at one point or another in your sex life. Even after years of giving head, you’ve definitely wondered if you’re doing it right, or if your technique could use some work. But the thing about blowjobs is there is no right or wrong way to do them, because, as a lifetime of giving blowjobs has taught many women, no two men like their blowjobs the same.
I was about 13 when my mother finally allowed my sister and I to see the 80’s classic, “Fast Times At Ridgemont High.” In the movie, there’s a scene where Phoebe Cate’s character teaches Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character how to give a blowjob with a carrot. “Relax your throat muscles, don’t bite, and slide it in,” she says to Leigh’s character, who then chokes on the carrot. Choking aside, it looked easy enough, and while I wasn’t dying to put a boy’s penis in my mouth at the time, I figured it was something I could handle. Yet once you start reading magazines — Cosmo. we’re looking at you — offering the “best” tips on how to give a blowjob and you’re forced to realize that maybe it’s not as easy as it seems. And when you finally try it, you realize that giving good head more than just “sliding it in.”
So, I did what any hot-blooded woman who wants to prove that she’s killer in the sack would do and took a class called “The Art of the Blowjob” at the sex toy boutique Babeland so I could up my game. If magazines were telling me to go down on my partner with a mouthful of chocolate ice cream (sounds uncomfortable to me), I assumed the pros over at Babeland would give it to me straight. Do you know what your white sheets actually look like they’re covered in after you try the mouthful of chocolate ice cream blowjob technique? Not sexy. Without further ado, here are nine tips on how to give the perfect blowjob:
1. Don’t do it if you can’t say the word. The first thing we did in class was call out rated-R words like “cock” and “pussy.” Especially in a society where we have all sorts of cutesy euphemisms to describe women’s anatomy, was very therapeutic to yell out “cock” at that volume. As Babeland’s instructor pointed out, if you’re going to be manhandling the goods and putting them in your mouth, you should be able to say them, loud and proud. For example: “I am going to put your cock in my mouth now, and maybe later I will put it in my pussy, too.” Now say it 10 times fast.
2. Keep his penis nice and wet. The thing with a blowjob is you’re trying to mimic a vagina, but with your mouth. Your vagina, especially when you’re excited, is a very wet and warm place. If you’re someone who might tense up and get a dry mouth when faced with the idea of having a penis in there, then use lube. Lube, in all matters of sex, is your friend. While some women’s magazines will suggest you keep things wet and “spicy” with chocolate body paint, whipped cream, butter, or Tabasco, nothing really keeps everything nice and slick like a water-based lube. (This is what flavored lube was invented for, ladies.)
3. “Don’t act like it’s a job .” Okay, it’s not called a “blow-pleasure-cruise,” but seriously. When I spoke to relationship expert and author of Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband) . Andrea Syrtash, that was the number one thing she told me. Samantha Jones may have told Funky Spunk that “they don’t call it a job for nothing,” but as Syrtash points out, men on the receiving end of oral sex are also getting off about you enjoying it, too. No guy wants to get head from a woman who’s complaining the whole time or, even worse, making grimacing faces as if she’s being tortured alive.
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4. Use more than just your mouth. Remember when we all saw Auntie Angel’s grapefruit blowjob video (very NSFW) and immediately thought, “OMG. She’s like a vacuum”? As much as the video both taught us something new and mildly scarred us, Angel is right on about adding other things, besides your mouth, to a blowjob.For starters, always use your hands. This is especially important for women who gag easily. The slick movements of your mouth on the
tip of his penis combined with your hands around the shaft will make it feel as though he’s further in than he actually is, as you move your mouth and hands up and down. Also, try a vibrator against the base of his penis, or on his balls or perineum, to add intensity.
5. Just breathe. If mainstream porn taught us anything, it’s that men love it — like love it — when we’re choking loudly and dramatically on their penises. This means, of course, they have a great, big dick, and it will do wonders for their ego. However, if you don’t feel like regurgitating that tuna sandwich you had for lunch last week and you’re a gag-prone type of lady, Syrtash says it’s all about breathing:
Keep breathing (through your nose) and remember that slow and steady is usually more pleasurable (for both of you!), than fast and furious. If you’re gag-prone, you don’t have to ‘deep throat’ him during oral sex. The tip of a man’s penis is very sensitive and there’s a way to kiss and caress him that will be very sensual. Tease it out. Use your hands while you give him oral. And try different positions so you can see what’s most comfortable. You’re bound to find a better position that won’t trigger gagging.
6. Don’t use a “vice grip.” While Cosmo suggests a “vice grip” (locking your lip-covered teeth around the mushroom part of the penis and bearing down like a, well, vice), I learned in class to focus more on using your tongue by treating your man’s favorite member as a lollipop, or humming as you take him into your mouth while you encircle the tip of his penis in a figure eight motion. The point is to squeeze in a way that mimics a tight vagina, but not actually cause pain. That’s why, unless you’re into BDSM. teeth really don’t have much place in a blowjob.
7. Pay attention to his balls. We all know that testicles are very sensitive, but that doesn’t mean we should should avoid them. Sensitivity can be a good thing if played right. This doesn’t mean to suggest that you need to try to fit those things in your mouth, but you should at least acknowledge their existence. Give them a tap, a lick, or maybe a playful high-five; whatever you choose, just remember to keep them involved.
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8. Integrate some anal play. For a lot of straight men, anal play is something that, even if they love it, they don’t ever want to talk about it or even acknowledge the fact that they ever had a finger in their ass. Although it would be lovely to erase anal play as being taboo. sometimes it takes awhile to get a miracle to happen.If you happen to be with a man who thoroughly enjoys having his G-Spot massaged — for men, it is the prostate, also called the P-spot — then you definitely want to do so during a blowjob. With a well-lubricated finger, penetrate your partner’s anus slowly, and when you’re in, give your finger a “come hither” motion against the front wall of his pubic area. This is just the ticket to giving him one hell of a blowjob.
9. Figure out your swallowing situation (or not) before he comes. At some point, after all this “work,” your man is going to be ready to come and this means you’re going to have to make some serious decisions. There is nothing worse than not being on the same page about what’s going to happen when he ejaculates.
You can have him come in your mouth, which means you’ll then have to decide on whether or not you want to spit or swallow; or you can him come somewhere on your body, like your face or chest. Some women find that letting their partner come on their face is degrading, while others find the fact that it might be perceived as degrading as really hot for a role-play situation. Only you can decide what works best for you.
Swallowing a mouth full of cum isn’t exactly easy, but neither is getting it out of certain fabrics. And while there are health benefits to ingesting cum. it still doesn’t cancel out the texture or the taste. Even if your partner would prefer you swallow, because men seem to find some sort of eroticism in the act, it’s your call. Do what makes your mouth — and laundry day — the happiest.
READ MORE: How to Have an Orgasm