It breaks my heart to think that, at this very minute, thousands of men are beating one out yet only a very small percentage of them will be videoing the event to share with the internet or a loved one.
Boywanking is hot. And not just hot like ‘ooh, that’s nice’ but hot like ‘I think I might have to sit down for a minute because my legs have just stopped working.’
Fairly recently, a boy of mine almost knocked me over in the street by making casual reference to the fact that sometimes, when he’s cracking one off, he ties shoelaces round his cock and balls to make things nice and tight.
So in that spirit, and as I sit here going steadily blind, here are a few other things boys have told me they do when they’re wanking that are stunningly, gobsmackingly hot. In short: some innovative masturbation tips that you might like to try if you’re feeling adventurous. Some boys have even done them in front of me so I can watch like a pathetic, cock-hungry pervert.
Jizz on/in random things
Yes, it’s very sexy when you come all over your t-shirt. So why not experiment with other stuff? Your pants, a cup by the side of your bed, a favourite childhood toy, your hand (oh god yes catch it in your hand), etc. Points for the most unusual.
Lube does lovely things, especially if you’re not circumcised, and therefore not necessarily inclined to lube your cock up on a regular basis. If you’re uncircumcised, chances are the head of your cock is extremely sensitive, which means if you lube it up and rub it – just the head – over and over again with
one of your hands, you’ll make beautiful hot wincing faces, and possibly come nice and hard so it squirts through your fingertips.
Shove things up your arse
Buttplugs. fingers, anything that comes to hand, really. Obviously, for safety’s sake, you should make sure it’s something with no sharp edges that is easy to extract once you’ve shot your bolt. But boys wearing buttplugs, sitting on a chair so it’s forced nice and deep into them, rubbing frantically at themselves as they feel stretched and dirty, I just… yeah.
Hell yes. One of my boys once told me that as a teenager it took him ages to discover wanking with his actual hands – he just used to hump the bed until he came all over the sheets. No hands wanking: omfg.
This one goes without saying, really. Nothing cures heartbreak like frantically and angrily beating one out while thinking about your recent ex being railed by a team of rugby players. And by ‘cures heartbreak’ I mean ‘makes me want to sit on you.’
Use the shower
OK, so you have to stand up, which is a downside. But on the up side you can squirt water from the shower head directly into your ass while you rub your soaped-up dick until you come all over yourself. And, of course, you’ll smell fresh and innocent as you emerge straight-faced from the bathroom.
The best of the best. Wank, don’t come. Wank, don’t come. Wank, don’t come. Repeat until you’re red in the face and on the verge of tears and if I touched you on the train you’d come hot and hard on the inside of your jeans. While whimpering. You filthy bitch.