Stop drinking before the vomit-burps set in and you could enjoy a functional date as depicted above in this file photo (Picture: Alamy)
The first date is a big one. The biggest. You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression, nor do you get a first chance to erase the memory of you spilling some kind of iced beverage down your date’s back. So what are the worst possible things you could do when meeting a special someone for a drink or meal for the very first time? Just avoid the following and you should be fine.*
*Disclaimer: You might still mess up your date if you avoid doing the following, but that’ll probably be because you’re annoying or unattractive, so not our fault. We did all we could. You’re welcome.
10. Get too drunk
Enjoying a bit of a tipple before or during your date is not a terrible idea – frankly, anything to take the edge off potential first date awkwardness is a winner in my book. But know your limits, because there’s nothing worse than finding yourself on a date with someone who has alcohol-induced verbal diarrhoea, or who is dribbling onto a beer mat. It can be a tricky one to judge, but basically, you want to stop before you start doing vomit-burps and telling your date how highly you scored on a recent ‘Are you a sociopath?’ test you took online.
9. Wear something inappropriate
Men, don’t wear anything that could p0tentially embarrass your date, like scruffy trainers or an offensive t-shirt. And ladies, this applies to you too. A good rule is: don’t wear anything you wouldn’t wear to work. Unless you wear a uniform to work. Don’t wear a uniform on the first date – it’s too early for that.
8. Talk about your ex
Or anyone you’ve slept with. Just don’t go there under any circumstances. Even if your ex walks into your date venue and the sheer coincidence of it all makes you want to call them over. Even if they choose to sit down next to you and start talking to you and they say your name in front of your date and it’s perfectly obvious you know each other. DON’T ACKNOWLEDGE THE
7. Interview your date
Please don’t ask your date where they see themselves in five years’ time, or what motivates them. It’s supposed to be a date; not an excruciating work appraisal meeting.
6. Eat things with parsley in them
Because parsley gets in your teeth and your date is probably too polite to let you know that this has happened.
5. Come over too keen
Flirting is one thing, but don’t wander into ‘I’ve never felt this way about anyone before’ territory on the very first date. Equally, talk of marriage, babies, how all your friends are settling down and you feel left out etc. etc. is off the cards. Stay cool.
4. Come over too aloof
Oh, but it’s a fine line we first daters must tread. If you find yourself looking at your watch during the date, or saying, ‘Meh, if you want,’ when the subject of a second meeting comes up, you’re probably playing it too cool.
3. Talk about sex
The old rules that stipulate you mustn’t talk about politics and religion are out, but you should still avoid talking about sex. This is because it will only serve to remind your date that there have been lovers before them, which – rightly or wrongly – feels a tiny bit icky on a first date. So no sex chat. Unless, of course, you decide to actually have sex on the first date, in which case some conversation about the deed is required, otherwise it could potentially fall outside the laws of consent.
2. Expect your date to foot the bill
Always, always go Dutch. Let this be the bill that sets the tone for the relationship and let this relationship be an equal one.
1. Bring along a friend
No, no, no, no, no.
BONUS GOLDEN RULE: Don’t insult anyone or anything.
You know as well as I do that the minute you take the p***out of a certain name (Dwayne, LOL!) or a certain profession (‘professional sex surrogate’, LOL!) or a certain place (Basingstoke, MEGALOL!), that will turn out to be your date’s middle name, or their father’s profession, or the place where they grew up. Play it super safe.